I am a large woman. I’ve made no efforts to disguise this fact.
I try to watch what I eat and I work out. The goal is 5 days a week. I usually hit at least three.
I post to Facebook and twitter from time to time about my workouts, usually when they are particularly good ones or particularly difficult ones. I don’t post about all of them, because really? That would get pretty boring after a while.
So, I don’t.
I post about food sometimes, or shopping for food. Or my love/hate relationship with foo
And I post about my weight, about my physical ailments. I talk about my lower back pain and my knees…about the nerve damage in my arms and the like.
I may post about increases in my exercise regimin, going further on the elliptical, adding weight or reps to the strength training.
One thing you won’t see me post about though are numbers. I don’t weigh myself. I don’t measure myself. So, you won’t see posts declaring how I’ve lost 2 pounds or 5 inches or any of that. Sure, weight loss is a goal of the working out and the eating right. But it isn’t the only goal, or even the primary one. I have an idea of how much I’d like to lose before a specific time, but that’s still not the driving motivator.
My first goal is to feel better. I know I move easier and have less pain when I exercise. I know my asthma and my diabetes are better when I exercise. I have more energy and my head goes to a better place when I exercise. I sleep better. I eat better.
Everything that comes after that is bonus. All too easily I can become obsessed by the numbers. I get hung up on them, and will do anything to drive them in the direction I want them to go, including behaviors that I KNOW aren’t good for me. Things like starving myself or overdoing the exercise.
The next thing on my list is reigning in my eating again. It is difficult to eat well when you’re have little money. You can buy 6 packages of ramen for a dollar and have six meals. Spend that same dollar on meat or veggies and you’re barely going to get one meal. I try to make most of my meals diabetic friendly…a lot of raw veggies, meat, some cheese…etc, but it gets pricey after a while. This weekend I aim to clean out my fridge and cupboards and emptying them of the things I shouldn’t be eating.
And when I go shopping on Monday, I’ll hold myself to the rules: nothing with flour in it, nothing with sugar in it, no starchy vegetables.
This grown up taking care of yourself is hard work these days. But hopefully I’m slowly getting better at it.
And even if I drop a ton of weight, you won’t see me posting the numbers. You’ll just see me posting pictures of me in my new clothes. That really is all proof I need that I’m doing the right thing.