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let’s talk about sex

February 27, 2013

Did I get your attention?

On an opinion article on, I am engaged in a conversation with someone that has little to do with the article itself (which is about a coalition of Christians petitioning the government to address the needs of the poor), but addresses birth control, and the subjugation of women.

Only, not really.

I haven’t decided yet if this guy really believes what he is saying or if he’s just a really great parody.

His position, as I understand it is a) birth control subjugates women, b) women don’t want sex, only affection, c) all women crave a man to keep them for life, d) everyone over 22 can afford to have as many kids as unprotected sex gives them if they are willing to sacrifice eating, e) married women only use birth control to have extra-marital sex or out of fear that their husband will leave them.

Like I said, I’m not convinced he isn’t just a really good parody of a conservative Christian or if he honestly believes these things.

A) Birth Control Subjugates Women

I’ve asked for him to explain this a couple of times, but mostly what I get from the responses is that women use birth control in order to give men what they want (sex) so that they can get what they want (love), and that doing this devalues the women because they’ve allowed themselves to feel used. Or something to that effect.

B) Women don’t want sex, only affection

No, really. He argues that women, ALL women, just want a man to take care of them and love them and that they do not, in fact, want to have sex. Obviously, no one has told him that women LIKE sex. The only women I know that don’t are women who are asexual and those who have never had an orgasm.

I will admit that many women want, even crave, affection and love. I mean, just look at the multi-million dollar dating industry for proof. But something I learned in the last 44 years: When you love yourself, that desperation for a mate to complete you vanishes. You approach relationships differently, more maturely. You are complete and whole and any relationship is a compliment to that completeness rather than the leg it stands on.

I don’t need someone else to love me, and when someone does, I can appreciate it a whole lot more.

C) All women crave a man to keep them for life

Obviously, I only think I don’t want to get married, but in my deep secret place I crave it with all my being. Or something.

As I said above, I don’t need someone else to love me, but if it happens I still won’t want to get married or even live together…unless we had a really big house and I could go days without seeing him or her.

D) Everyone can afford kids if they sacrifice

I’m not even sure this is worth responding to.

E) Married Women and Birth Control

He actually argued that married women who don’t want kids can just get their tubes tied. Never mind that most doctors will not sterilize a woman under 40 (I’ve heard 30 from some folks, but I was told 40). Somehow tubal ligation is better than birth control pills. I’m not sure how that works.

And planning to have kids when you’re in the right place financially and emotionally? Just don’t have sex. There. Problem solved.

I don’t know about the rest of you ladies, but I ENJOY sex. It’s good for you in many ways too. Thankfully, people who think like this are in the minority.

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