This has been a week of measuring myself and finding myself not quite measuring up.
My house is a mess, my wallet is empty, my professional life is not where I want it to be…and I know that for all of it, the blame lies here, with me.
My house looks like it does because I have been lazy and messy. My money is gone because I am doing my best to pay my bills. My writing and photography don’t pay those bills yet because, if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t really applied myself.
I treat them both like a hobby, rather than a profession. If I want them to support me, I need to support them.
I’m feeling a very strong calling to get things in my life in order. To focus on getting to a place where I can give more time and effort to my art. This begins not in ignoring everything else, but in organizing everything else to create the time and space.
It means focusing not on stealing moments in which to write, but in creating the time, carving it out and setting it aside, just like a job. It means making it a priority.
This weekend I will get the apartment clean, and do laundry and create a writing schedule; time to work on the non-fiction project, time to work on the novel, time to free write. I will schedule time to clean and cook and eat. I will set things up to make these things easier. Or, I’ll start on all that, knowing that with my physical limitations, I might not get to do all of it.
On that list is a thorough cleaning of my altar and surrounding area, which means a refocus there too, a re-dedication of sorts. It is time to manifest some control over my life and stop just careening along with the current.